Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
