If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
