cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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