I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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