if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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