If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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