i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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