I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
