Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
