Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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