Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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