I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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