Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do herpes really smell.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
