On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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