If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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