Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
