Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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