Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You made out with two different species that night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
