Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
