i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do vagina's smell?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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