Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
