after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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