You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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