i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
