So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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