i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
being pregnant is like rehab
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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