I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
