Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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