I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
