He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
