sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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