You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
