1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
