So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
