dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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