I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
