By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
