Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
