He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
