Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
