Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
