I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
