So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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