I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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