just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
