no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
