fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
