pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
