There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
