is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
