i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
