he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
