i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
